Last night my wife, Nancy, and I were alone in the house. We were just falling asleep when we were startled by a thunderous thump and a loud, drawn-out dragging sound coming from somewhere within our house. We both sat up in bed and Nancy whispered, �What was that?� Now how am I supposed to know what�s going on in the rest of the house? I�m not clairvoyant, I�m scared. I�m the only person I know who�s childhood hero was the Cowardly Lion from �The Wizard of Oz.� The problem is, if I tell her the truth she�ll want me to investigate. Apparently, during our wedding vows I agreed to take out the trash and investigate psychotic murderers crawling around our house in the middle of the night. I decide not to panic her. �It was just the wind,� I assure her, my voice quivering with fear. �Oh, okay,� she says and believes me! �Thank goodness you�re here or I�d be frightened to death.� Then she rolls over, closes her eyes and immediately falls back to sleep. How in the world can she fall back to sleep? Does she really believe I�d be capable of defending her from the evil fiend that could make a noise like that? She falls back to sleep and I have to lie there waiting for some monster to break down the bedroom door. Naturally I suddenly have to go to the bathroom. Bad, but not nearly bad enough for me to climb out from under the covers. It�s not that I�m really afraid, I know those things only happen in the movies and the Grim Reaper is not wandering around my living room looking for his next victim. The only reason I don�t investigate the noise is because I know it really was just the wind. And I don�t have to go to the bathroom that badly, it can wait until morning. Everything always seems better in the daylight. Besides, Nancy always gets up before I do.
